I rocked my baby to sleep tonight. And I was 100% present.

It’s 11:55pm, I’ve been crocheting and watching Netflix, sipping a vodka + Sprite Zero and thoroughly enjoying myself. Geno has duty tomorrow so he hit the sack a few hours ago.

I could’ve done anything tonight. 6 months ago I would’ve been 3 hours into a 6 hour work night, slaving away and building + growing my online businesses.

I’m thankful for that time – those 7 months that Geno was deployed that I worked my tail off. They taught me a lot about what I want in my life, and a lot about what I don’t want.

I wouldn’t necessarily say that they were my finest 7 months. I worked hard and hit some pretty incredible milestones but I was largely exhausted. Raising 4 kids during the day, shuttling between sports + homework at night and staying up until 3am working… only to wake up at 7 to start all over again.

On my own.

No husband to help, no anxiety meds to help, no Melatonin to help (which I now take every night.) It was just me, trying to be mom AND build something huge for my family. Working, working, working – and missing the moments right in front of my face.

I rocked my baby to sleep tonight. And I was 100% present.

I wasn’t thinking about everything I needed to do – rushing back downstairs to “work” and “accomplish”. My 1 year old has been fighting a cold for the last week + teething, which has made for all-around miserable nights for us both. But for the first time in a long time, I rocked him back to sleep with JOY. Even though he was crying and uncomfortable, I was there for him.

A few hours ago I sat with Jack and Addison (my oldest two) reading and laughing hysterically. Normally we’re pretty quick about bedtime around here because a. Geno and I are exhausted, and b. we just want to spend some quiet time together. But tonight we CUT UP. My kids had tears in their eyes from laughing so hard and I couldn’t get enough of it.

Pure joy.

This is the me that I’ve been missing (and probably them, too).

It hasn’t all happened in the last 3 days, though. Three days ago I logged out of all of my social media accounts and put ’em on auto pilot for a little while (my blog posts are auto-posting to IG) – but this journey toward physical, spiritual and emotional wellbeing started several months ago.

I’ll dive into that journey in future blog posts but it’s amazing to see so much of it coming to fruition in this moment.

My kids melted into me tonight. Normally we’d read a book but my mind would be elsewhere. Tonight I was here.

I’m thankful for the simplicity of it all. Tonight I feel like a good mom – something I haven’t felt like in months. I feel like a good mom, a good wife and a present human being.

I rocked my baby to sleep tonight. I laughed with my kids and I was 100% in the moment with each of them. Not a single distraction. And it felt so good.

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