Unmet expectations are often unspoken expectations

I met this guy when I was 19 years old. I’ve known him for almost half my life!

🌵 We partied together with fake IDs 😆
🌵 Experienced college together
🌵 He was there the day I accepted Jesus into my heart and the day that I was baptized
🌵 He helped deliver all 4 of our children
🌵 He’s supported me as I battled post-partum anxiety after each pregnancy

He’s seen me fight and he’s fought with me.

There’s not much that he couldn’t know about me at this point, right?

He should know everything from how I like my eggs cooked to how I receive love.

Or that I feel entirely abandoned when he falls asleep on the couch mid-episode 😆

That I hate unloading the dishwasher.

Or that I sleep with both my electronic blanket and my fan on the highest settings and that will never change.

Finances. 
Hobbies. 
Friendships.
Intimacy. 
Laundry. 
Sleep schedule. 
Food likes and dislikes.

We’ve been together so long that he should know every nook and cranny of my soul without me having to say a word, right?

So definitely wrong.

This is what I believed as a wife for a long time. I expected him to know – and then reacted with anger and hurt when he didn’t.

The woman that I was 17 years ago isn’t the woman I am today. So much is the same, but SO much has changed – from the way I like my eggs cooked to how I receive love.

When we expect our partners to just know these things – or anticipate our changes without telling them, we’re setting them up for failure.

Unmet expectations are often unspoken expectations.

This is only something that we’re getting really good at in our mid-30s – after 17 YEARS of doing life together. We’ve learned what works – and what doesn’t – by doing it wrong, taking offense, getting mad or whatever – and then fixing it.

Are you communicating with your partner? Are you TELLING them your preferences? How you’d like them to fold the laundry, how you need them to show love, what you desire between the sheets?

TELL THEM. If you’re just expecting them to know/ figure it out – they never will 💛

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